I've been spending my studio time drawing for the past few weeks and now I've switched gears and am painting. I'd like to say that the transition is smooth, but it isn't always. In fact I often feel that I'm partaking in a great internal battle when I'm making artwork. It doesn't always come out right and there is almost always that difficult phase (no matter how good a piece feels when I first start it). I used to think that this would go away after I "mastered my craft" but that's not going to happen, and there is always, always more I can learn about making art.
Truth is that this is the part of art making that is the scariest. The door to the room I need to go into is closed and instead of just opening it I tend to sit down in front of it and focus on all of the reasons why it's closed.
I feel like I'm not supposed to admit these things, and I know many artists that produce artwork out of swagger and confidence, and I hope that works for them. However, my own truth is that each of these paintings is difficult to produce and each of these paintings affects me profoundly. I think part of my duty as an artist is to learn how to accept this phase, to expect it even, and to learn how to work through it well.